The Provost Read online

  At the hour appointed, Jeanie, dressed in white, was led out by the town-officers, and in the midst of the magistrates from among the ladies, withher hands tied behind her with a black riband. At the first sight of herat the tolbooth stairhead, a universal sob rose from all the multitude,and the sternest e'e couldna refrain from shedding a tear. We marchedslowly down the stair, and on to the foot of the scaffold, where heryounger brother, Willy, that was stable-boy at my lord's, was standing byhimself, in an open ring made round him in the crowd; every onecompassionating the dejected laddie, for he was a fine youth, and of anorderly spirit.

  As his sister came towards the foot of the ladder, he ran towards her,and embraced her with a wail of sorrow that melted every heart, and madeus all stop in the middle of our solemnity. Jeanie looked at him, (forher hands were tied,) and a silent tear was seen to drop from her cheek.But in the course of little more than a minute, all was quiet, and weproceeded to ascend the scaffold. Willy, who had by this time dried hiseyes, went up with us, and when Mr Pittle had said the prayer, and sungthe psalm, in which the whole multitude joined, as it were with thecontrition of sorrow, the hangman stepped forward to put on the fatalcap, but Willy took it out of his hand, and placed it on his sisterhimself, and then kneeling down, with his back towards her closing hiseyes and shutting his ears with his hands, he saw not nor heard when shewas launched into eternity.

  When the awful act was over, and the stir was for the magistrates toreturn, and the body to be cut down, poor Willy rose, and without lookinground, went down the steps of the scaffold; the multitude made a lane forhim to pass, and he went on through them hiding his face, and gaedstraight out of the town. As for the mother, we were obligated, in thecourse of the same year, to drum her out of the town, for stealingthirteen choppin bottles from William Gallon's, the vintner's, andselling them for whisky to Maggie Picken, that was tried at the same timefor the reset.

  CHAPTER X--A RIOT

  Nothing very material, after Jeanie Gaisling's affair, happened in thetown till the time of my first provostry, when an event arose with anaspect of exceeding danger to the lives and properties of the whole town.I cannot indeed think of it at this day, though age has cooled me down inall concerns to a spirit of composure, without feeling the blood boil inmy veins; so greatly, in the matter alluded to, was the king's dignityand the rightful government, by law and magistracy, insulted in myperson.

  From time out of mind, it had been an ancient and commendable custom inthe burgh, to have, on the king's birth-day, a large bowl of punch madein the council-chamber, in order and to the end and effect of drinkinghis majesty's health at the cross; and for pleasance to the commonality,the magistrates were wont, on the same occasion, to allow a cart of coalsfor a bonfire. I do not now, at this distance of time, remember thecause how it came to pass, but come to pass it did, that the councilresolved for time coming to refrain from giving the coals for thebonfire; and it so fell out that the first administration of this economywas carried into effect during my provostry, and the wyte of it was laidat my door by the trades' lads, and others, that took on them the lead inhobleshows at the fairs, and such like public doings. Now I come to theissue and particulars.

  The birth-day, in progress of time, came round, and the morning wasushered in with the ringing of bells, and the windows of the housesadorned with green boughs and garlands. It was a fine bright day, andnothing could exceed the glee and joviality of all faces till theafternoon, when I went up to the council-chamber in the tolbooth, to meetthe other magistrates and respectable characters of the town, in order todrink the king's health. In going thither, I was joined, just as I wasstepping out of my shop, by Mr Stoup, the excise gauger, and Mr Firlot,the meal-monger, who had made a power of money a short time before, by acargo of corn that he had brought from Belfast, the ports being thenopen, for which he was envied by some, and by the common sort wasconsidered and reviled as a wicked hard-hearted forestaller. As for MrStoup, although he was a very creditable man, he had the repute of beingoverly austere in his vocation, for which he was not liked over and abovethe dislike that the commonality cherish against all of his calling; sothat it was not possible that any magistrate, such as I endeavoured tobe, adverse to ill-doers, and to vice and immorality of every kind, couldhave met at such a time and juncture, a greater misfortune than those twomen, especially when it is considered, that the abolition of the bonfirewas regarded as a heinous trespass on the liberties and privileges of thepeople. However, having left the shop, and being joined, as I havenarrated, by Mr Stoup and Mr Firlot, we walked together at a sedate pacetowards the tolbooth, before which, and at the cross, a great assemblageof people were convened; trades' lads, weavers with coats out at theelbow, the callans of the school; in short, the utmost gathering andcongregation of the clan-jamphry, who the moment they saw me coming, setup a great shout and howl, crying like desperation, "Provost, 'whar's thebonfire? Hae ye sent the coals, provost, hame to yersel, or selt them,provost, for meal to the forestaller?" with other such misleartphraseology that was most contemptuous, bearing every symptom of therebellion and insurrection that they were then meditating. But I kept mytemper, and went into the council-chamber, where others of therespectable inhabitants were met with the magistrates and town-councilassembled.

  "What's the matter, provost?" said several of them as I came in; "are yeill; or what has fashed you?" But I only replied, that the mob withoutwas very unruly for being deprived of their bonfire. Upon this, some ofthose present proposed to gratify them, by ordering a cart of coals, asusual; but I set my face against this, saying, that it would look likeintimidation were we now to comply, and that all veneration for law andauthority would be at an end by such weakness on the part of thoseentrusted with the exercise of power. There the debate, for a season,ended; and the punch being ready, the table was taken out of the council-chamber and carried to the cross, and placed there, and then the bowl andglasses--the magistrates following, and the rest of the company.

  Seeing us surrounded by the town-officers with their halberts, themultitude made way, seemingly with their wonted civility, and, when hismajesty's health was drank, they shouted with us, seemingly, too, asloyally as ever; but that was a traitorous device to throw us off ourguard, as, in the upshot, was manifested; for no sooner had we filled theglasses again, than some of the most audacious of the rioters began toinsult us, crying, "The bonfire! the bonfire!--No fire, no bowl!--Gentleand semple should share and share alike." In short, there was a movingbackwards and forwards, and a confusion among the mob, with snatches ofhuzzas and laughter, that boded great mischief; and some of my friendsnear me said to me no to be alarmed, which only alarmed me the more, as Ithought they surely had heard something. However, we drank our secondglass without any actual molestation; but when we gave the three cheers,as the custom was, after the same, instead of being answered joyfully,the mob set up a frightful yell, and, rolling like the waves of the sea,came on us with such a shock, that the table, and punch-bowl, andglasses, were couped and broken. Bailie Weezle, who was standing on theopposite side, got his shins so ruffled by the falling of the table, thathe was for many a day after confined to the house with two sore legs; andit was feared he would have been a lameter for life.

  The dinging down of the table was the signal of the rebellious ringleaders for open war. Immediately there was an outcry and a roaring,that was a terrification to hear; and I know not how it was, but beforewe kent where we were, I found myself with many of those who had beendrinking the king's health, once more in the council-chamber, where itwas proposed that we should read the riot act from the windows; and thisawful duty, by the nature of my office as provost, it behoved me toperform. Nor did I shrink from it; for by this time my corruption wasraised, and I was determined not to let the royal authority be set atnought in my hands.

  Accordingly, Mr Keelivine, the town clerk, having searched out among hislaw books for the riot act, one of the windows of the council-chamber wasopened, and the bell man having
, with a loud voice, proclaimed the "Oyes!" three times, I stepped forward with the book in my hands. At thesight of me, the rioters, in the most audacious manner, set up ablasphemous laugh; but, instead of finding me daunted thereat, they weresurprised at my fortitude; and, when I began to read, they listened insilence. But this was a concerted stratagem; for the moment that I hadended, a dead cat came whizzing through the air like a comet, and gave mesuch a clash in the face that I was knocked down to the floor, in themiddle of the very council-chamber. What ensued is neither to be toldnor described; some were for beating the fire-drum; others were forarming ourselves with what weapons were in the tolbooth; but I deemed itmore congenial to the nature of the catastrophe, to send off an expressto Ayr for the regiment of soldiers that was quartered there--the roar ofthe rioters without, being all the time like a raging flood.

  Major Target, however, who had seen service in foreign wars, was amongus, and he having tried in vain to get us to listen to him, went out ofhis own accord to the rioters, and was received by them with threecheers. He then spoke to them in an exhorting manner, and represented tothem the imprudence of their behaviour; upon which they gave him threeother cheers, and immediately dispersed and went home. The major was avain body, and took great credit to himself, as I heard, for this; but,considering the temper of mind the mob was at one time in, it is quiteevident that it was no so much the major's speech and exhortation thatsent them off, as their dread and terror of the soldiers that I had sentfor.

  All that night the magistrates, with other gentlemen of the town, sat inthe council-chamber, and sent out, from time to time, to see that everything was quiet; and by this judicious proceeding, of which we drew upand transmitted a full account to the king and government in London, bywhom the whole of our conduct was highly applauded, peace was maintainedtill the next day at noon, when a detachment, as it was called, of fourcompanies came from the regiment in Ayr, and took upon them thepreservation of order and regularity. I may here notice, that this wasthe first time any soldiers had been quartered in the town since theforty-five; and a woeful warning it was of the consequences that followrebellion and treasonable practices; for, to the present day, we havealways had a portion of every regiment, sent to Ayr, quartered upon us.

  CHAPTER XI--POLICY

  Just about the end of my first provostry, I began to make a discovery.Whether it was that I was a little inordinately lifted up by reason ofthe dignity, and did not comport myself with a sufficient condescensionand conciliation of manner to the rest of the town-council, it would behard to say. I could, however, discern that a general ceremoniousinsincerity was performed by the members towards me, especially on thepart of those who were in league and conjunct with the town-clerk, whocomported himself, by reason of his knowledge of the law, as if he was inverity the true and effectual chief magistrate of the burgh; and theeffect of this discovery, was a consideration and digesting within me howI should demean myself, so as to regain the vantage I had lost; takinglittle heed as to how the loss had come, whether from an ill-judged prideand pretending in myself, or from the natural spirit of envy, thatdarkens the good-will of all mankind towards those who get suddenpromotion, as it was commonly thought I had obtained, in being so soonexalted to the provostry.

  Before the Michaelmas I was, in consequence of this deliberation andcounselling with my own mind, fully prepared to achieve a great stroke ofpolicy for the future government of the town. I saw that it would not dofor me for a time to stand overly eminent forward, and that it was abetter thing, in the world, to have power and influence, than to show thepossession of either. Accordingly, after casting about from one thing toanother, I bethought with myself, that it would be a great advantage ifthe council could be worked with, so as to nominate and appoint My Lordthe next provost after me. In the proposing of this, I could see therewould be no difficulty; but the hazard was, that his lordship might onlybe made a tool of instrumentality to our shrewd and sly town-clerk, MrKeelivine, while it was of great importance that I should keep themanagement of my lord in my own hands. In this strait, however, a thingcame to pass, which strongly confirms me in the opinion, that good-luckhas really a great deal to say with the prosperity of men. The earl, whohad not for years been in the country, came down in the summer fromLondon, and I, together with the other magistrates and council, receivedan invitation to dine with him at the castle. We all of course went,"with our best breeding," as the old proverb says, "helped by our brawestcleeding;" but I soon saw that it was only a _pro forma_ dinner, and thatthere was nothing of cordiality in all the civility with which we weretreated, both by my lord and my lady. Nor, indeed, could I, on anafterthought, blame our noble entertainers for being so on their guard;for in truth some of the deacons, (I'll no say any of the bailies,) wereso transported out of themselves with the glory of my lord's banquet, andthe thought of dining at the castle, and at the first table too, thatwhen the wine began to fiz in their noddles, they forgot themselvesentirely, and made no more of the earl than if he had been one ofthemselves. Seeing to what issue the matter was tending, I set a guardupon myself; and while my lord, out of a parly-voo politess, was eggingthem on, one after another, to drink deeper and deeper of his old wines,to the manifest detriment of their own senses, I kept myself in a degreeas sober as a judge, warily noting all things that came to pass.

  The earl had really a commendable share of common sense for a lord, andthe discretion of my conduct was not unnoticed by him; in so much, thatafter the major part of the council had become, as it may be said, out o'the body, cracking their jokes with one another, just as if all presenthad been carousing at the Cross-Keys, his lordship wised to me to comeand sit beside him, where we had a very private and satisfactoryconversation together; in the which conversation, I said, that it was apity he would not allow himself to be nominated our provost. Nobody hadever minted to him a thought of the thing before; so it was no wonderthat his lordship replied, with a look of surprise, saying, "That so farfrom refusing, he had never heard of any such proposal."

  "That is very extraordinary, my lord," said I; "for surely it is for yourinterests, and would to a certainty be a great advantage to the town,were your lordship to take upon you the nominal office of provost; I saynominal, my lord, because being now used to the duties, and somewhatexperienced therein, I could take all the necessary part of the troubleoff your lordship's hands, and so render the provostry in your lordship'sname a perfect nonentity." Whereupon, he was pleased to say, if I woulddo so, and he commended my talents and prudence, he would have noobjection to be made the provost at the ensuing election. Something moreexplicit might have ensued at that time; but Bailie M'Lucre and MrSharpset, who was the dean of guild, had been for about the space of halfan hour carrying on a vehement argument anent some concern of theguildry, in which, coming to high words, and both being beguiled andripened into folly by the earl's wine, they came into such a manifestquarrel, that Mr Sharpset pulled off the bailie's best wig, and flung itwith a damn into the fire: the which stramash caused my lord to end thesederunt; but none of the magistrates, save myself, was in a condition togo with his lordship to My Lady in the drawing-room.

  CHAPTER XII--THE SPY

  Soon after the foregoing transaction, a thing happened that, in a manner,I would fain conceal and suppress from the knowledge of future times,although it was but a sort of sprose to make the world laugh. Fortunatelyfor my character, however, it did not fall out exactly in my hands,although it happened in the course of my provostry. The matter spokenof, was the affair of a Frenchman who was taken up as a spy; for theAmerican war was then raging, and the French had taken the part of theYankee rebels.

  One day, in the month of August it was, I had gone on some privateconcernment of my own to Kilmarnock, and Mr Booble, who was then oldestBailie, naturally officiated as chief magistrate in my stead.

  There have been, as the world knows, a disposition on the part of thegrand monarque of that time, to invade and conquer this country, thewhich made it a
duty incumbent on all magistrates to keep a vigilant eyeon the in-comings and out-goings of aliens and other suspectable persons.On the said day, and during my absence, a Frenchman, that could speak nomanner of English, somehow was discovered in the Cross-Key inns. What hewas, or where he came from, nobody at the time could tell, as I wasinformed; but there he was, having come into the house at the door, witha bundle in his hand, and a portmanty on his shoulder, like a travellerout of some vehicle of conveyance. Mrs Drammer, the landlady, did notlike his looks; for he had toozy black whiskers, was lank and wan, andmoreover deformed beyond human nature, as she said, with a parrot nose,and had no cravat, but only a bit black riband drawn through two button-holes, fastening his ill-coloured sark neck, which gave him altogethersomething of an unwholesome, outlandish appearance.

  Finding he was a foreigner, and understanding that strict injunctionswere laid on the magistrates by the king and government anent theegressing of such persons, she thought, for the credit of her house, andthe safety of the community at large, that it behoved her to send word tome, then provost, of this man's visibility among us; but as I was not athome, Mrs Pawkie, my wife, directed the messenger to Bailie Booble's. Thebailie was, at all times, overly ready to claught at an alarm; and whenhe heard the news, he went straight to the council-room, and sending forthe rest of the council, ordered the alien enemy, as he called theforlorn Frenchman, to be brought before him. By this time, the suspicionof a spy in the town had spread far and wide; and Mrs Pawkie told me,that there was a palid consternation in every countenance when the blackand yellow man--for he had not the looks of the honest folks of thiscountry--was brought up the street between two of the town-officers, tostand an examine before Bailie Booble.